As I answered the phone to Steven Springett, one of this year’s biggest MAFS villains, my first thought was “Here he is man of the lies”, to quote Leah. If I’m completely honest, I expected him to be cagey, calculating and defensive. But what transpired was an hour and a half of very open conversation in which I learned a lot about the man behind the ASBO. We as viewers can easily forget that beyond the character on screen is a real person, with real shit going on in their lives. Steve was open about his struggles. We spoke about the attack and how that affected his life, the end of his previous relationship, his children and the difficulties of raising a child with additional needs – and of course, we spoke about Nelly. The biggest question I had going into the interview was, “is his accountability real?” – many would say no. My thoughts? If someone is trying to change, trying to be a better person, we must allow them the space to do that, give them the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, what is the point? But I’ll let you make up your own minds.

Why did you go on the show?

I personally thought I was ready for marriage. I wasn’t originally being cast for MAFS though. I was originally there for another show, it was a similar kind of show, that’s all I can say. When I got the phone call for MAFS it was ten days before the experiment started. I was an extremely late addition. I’d been single for the best part of five years; I thought I’d worked a fair bit on myself in other elements. Clearly, my dating life hasn’t worked on dating apps, so I thought – let’s see what the experts can conjure up for me.

What was your first opinion of Nelly? Did you fancy her?

My first opinion was exactly what you saw, like the instant “WOW”. I don’t know what I was expecting, I didn’t picture what she’d be wearing, what she’d look like, her name. The six guys took me by surprise! When I saw her through the dolly wearing the red outfit, I thought she looked stunning. She seemed like she’d be a laugh, initial attraction was there. The whole wedding day, everything was spot on. I thought if this is gonna be like this for the duration, this should be plain sailing, but……

But what?

But it wasn’t quite as plain sailing as we hoped.

You said your feelings changed around week 3, why?

On the show, I’m answering that after the honeymoon and wedding. That’s when you’re trying to figure each other out – where they come from, how many family members they have, how many siblings? I excluded that element of it, so I’m going from the apartments through to Love Hate Week, that was about three weeks. In that time so much happened. We’d go three steps forward and about seven back. Once we got to Love Hate Week, we definitely got to a stage where it feels like you’re back at the honeymoon. I thought things were looking up, we got through the last few weeks of shit, we can develop something strong here. Once it got to the retreat and the Julia-Ruth stuff was coming out, it created a grey cloud over us. She’d mentioned that Julia-Ruth was a 10/10 but I thought, “you’re also a 10/10”. She felt deflated because someone was tyring to get my attention and she thought I was gonna jump at it. Unless I say that I’m out of the marriage, please just stick with me. We had disagreements at the retreat, some arguments seemed petty, she felt devalued which I later understood. We argued about everything even eyebrows and bagels.

Bagels?

I’d cooked a bagel late at night and ate it before she did. Little arguments turning into big things. There are more meaningful things to argue about. When small things are being made into mountains, I’m starting to check out. At the retreat I gave a percentage of how “out” I was at the time. I just thought, something needs to change.

What was the percentage?

It was high, 95%. By this point my stepdad was in hospital, he was waiting to have a pacemaker fitted, my mums with him at the hospital. I thought if we can’t get through these things, it’s not gonna work. If you argued about something three weeks ago and resolved it, it shouldn’t come up in a new argument, but it would. I was annoyed about the dinner party incident when Julia-Ruth said I was gloating about sexual escapades. It was taken out of context. I was asked a question. We’d been playing games like Never Have I Ever. When Julia-Ruth said why didn’t Divarni stand up for her, it was because the guys had said stuff too. We were asking, “what is one thing you like but you shouldn’t admit out loud”, someone said their ears being sucked, someone said sucking toes and all sorts of stuff. That’s when I said about the sloppy head! I didn’t say it was a celebrity. I swear, I thought if any of these guys talk against me, I’m gonna drag them to hell with me. That’s why Joe said to Maeve “don’t get involved”.

Do you think the editing is fair?

Sometimes the edit needs to show context to this stuff. Like when the story came out that nelly hurt her rib. There was speculation about what she’d done – fractured them,  bruised, broken or whatever. She was filming after me, the girls’ day out didn’t start ‘til 12. I was out of the house filming by 10am. We don’t have production phones on us when filming, we finished filming at 5pm and went to Boxpark and had a few drinks. Davide told me she was back at the apartment with the girls and Keye. I should have went and checked on her before I went to the other pub, but by this point it was 8pm and we’d been on a lad’s day. Curfew was at 10pm and I left the pub at 9:45pm. I apologised, said I should have come home sooner. When it came out at the commitment ceremony, I’m thinking – me and you stayed up ‘til three in the morning talking about so many things. We addressed it privately, so I don’t know why it came up in such a public way. During the show I was still coparenting, was sorting things with the kids, my stepdad was waiting for a pacemaker. This is his second heart issue in less than a year. He’s a 78-year-old man. There was so much going on in my head. Then it was all coming out, calling people out and dropping the C-Word on people, they knew why my head was like that. I didn’t need to be attacked by twelve other people. When I walked off and said “F ‘em bunch of….”, emotionally I’d taken more than I could take for that week. I’m like someone ask me how I’m doing, no one had asked me that yet. Nelly said, “if you need to go see him, go see him”, no-one sat down and asked me if I’m OK, if I need time off. I spoke to welfare and told them I was struggling. Once I said that, they let me have my personal phone so I could check in with my family. I needed peace of mind.

What was it like watching the show back?

It was horrific to be fair. I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t watched every episode. I knew certain things have been said, certain things have happened. I was debriefed by production to make me aware of what was coming. I was like – you look like an idiot, sound like an idiot, you need to change your wardrobe. From a growth point of view, I’m in such a better place since leaving. It’s a reference point to me now, I can’t be that person again, but I’ve also hurt someone in the process. I feel like I’ve betrayed my family with how I’ve acted. They shouldn’t be having to protect me and defend me online. I don’t need them to back me but they’re trying to protect me. Being the youngest of five, obviously with them being older siblings they’re gonna protect me. I think the hardest thing was seeing how reactive I was in the moment and not taking stock, pausing.

How did you feel about my commentary on you?

Your commentary, there was a lot of realism in it and the ASBO name as well gave comedy gold to my family group chat. Since you dropped it, whenever they facetime me, they bring it up. I’m someone who likes to make humour of myself as well. I didn’t see it as an attack. You’re a real person, with real views and your own opinions and there’s the comedy aspect to it. I saw it as a real-life Gogglebox but through social media. I don’t take things personally anyway, the only time I get my back up is when people are mentioning my kids. People messaging me to say they’re glad my kid is disabled because he doesn’t get to see what a dick his dad is. I had a message, someone said something like, they’ll see me outside work, or I can’t wait to bump into you outside work, I had to tell security about it. Someone said It would be a shame if you get attacked again, or if something happened to your kids. I’m being mindful when I’m putting petrol in the car and people pull up beside me now.

How did you feel about the public’s reaction? Have you had a lot of hate?

I think from the point I called Nelly a F-ing idiot, there was a lot of hate that week for sure. Since the reunion episode when I owned up and took accountability, there’s been a lot more balance. What people are seeing on the TV show, certain words and behaviours – I get some of the bad comments that come my way.

Some people would say your recent accountability isn’t real, what would you say to them?

It’s a tough one because some people are probably cast members as well. I haven’t been in contact with any but Ashley, they don’t know what steps I’ve taken. I’ve done EMDR therapy that finished a few weeks ago.

What is EMDR Therapy?

Trauma therapy. Anything that’s built up over years, it helps you manage them, process them, gives you techniques to use when your frustrations are building up. I didn’t realise before the show how many things I swept under the carpet. I lost a friend at 17, never processed it. Never knew my biological dad most of my life. When I met him, I saw things he was saying, and I didn’t like it. The attack at 19 didn’t just stop me playing football because my confidence was lost, I had to deal with the physical scars on my face for so many years. I wore a face mask, people would look at me funny, tell me my face looks disgusting. Mentally I was in such a dark space for 3 years. I was drinking a lot, doing substances. I used to go out a lot and always found a reason to go out for a drink with someone. We’d say we’re only going for one and it would turn into ten. Then I needed a pick me up to help me get through the next day. I’d go to work, be a happy, jokey character so people could look past my facial scars

It wasn’t until I met the kids’ mum Chloe at 24, she got me out of that headspace because she looked past the facial scars, she loved me for who I am. That was the first time I thought “someone thinks I’m attractive and they mean it.” When my daughter was born, I stopped drinking, didn’t go out as much. I wanted to be a good father. So, when she turned round in lockdown and said, “I don’t love you anymore”, that was trauma for me. I was in such a dark place, I’d search up their names [his attackers] and find out what they were doing with their lives. I was so vengeful for such a long time. In my head, I’d love to take revenge but in reality, I’m not that person. Part of me would love to meet up with that person and tell them what they’d done to me, how they’d affected my life.

How have things been with Nelly since the show?

As apologetic as I was and I am, since the shows been airing, I’ve seen things posted about me online and her friends and family have liked it. And she’s seen it from me as to well. They accused me of making burner accounts. Do you think I’ve got the time in the day to be making burner accounts? I’m working, trying to be a dad, trying to be a partner to someone new. If you think that’s me, look into it more. She’s blocked me on Insta which is fine, that’s her prerogative. I’ve tried to exclude myself from the group as much as possible after the show. I don’t wanna look at that tv show and think it defined my entire 35 years of life. If people think it’s a mask let them think that, I’ve moved on. She wanted something I couldn’t give because I couldn’t even give it to myself.

Do you think you gaslit Nelly?

Paul Brunson asked me this and I said yeah. I must have, whether I was aware of it or not. It took me to the reunion to figure it out, it got brought to me around the third commitment ceremony. Paul asked Nelly a series of questions, she said yes to all of them. He said, “that’s actually gaslighting”. I was annoyed, gaslighting is a bad term. But when you step away, you think, I must have done it.  It was never intentional. In that moment I must have gaslit her, throughout the experiment I gaslit her. She needed reassurance but I went the other way and got defensive.

Did you fancy April?

Surprisingly, no. And I say surprisingly because if you base it off people I’ve dated in the past, April is a very down-to-earth character, fun, bubbly. Looks wise, she’d be someone id have looked at in the street, or at a club. But when you get married to someone, I’m only married to you and I’m gonna give it my all. When we met April, my instant thing was, she seems like a laugh, and she had lad banter. When we had partner swap, we went to the pub and had a couple of pints. It wasn’t shown, but we went and played golf and it felt like I’d gone to play golf with my mates. We were both big on innuendos. It looked like we were flirting but there wasn’t anything for me to say “I really wanna know how things go with April”.  

Why did you really message JR? Was it to get back at Nelly?

The Julia-Ruth thing is an interesting one. She slid into my DM first. I said “Hey” with the eye emoji and she said, “you finally saw some sense then?” I said ,“the ring is off” and she did the skull face emoji to it. There was no intent to meet at first, we voice noted a bit, I said we need to meet up for drinks, you’ve been through the same experiment, the same process that I have, we need a drink and a proper catch up. But there was never a date set. I felt pissed off that Nelly went that route to end it on camera (exposing the hinge account). The same way I was vengeful about being attacked, I was vengeful about this too. I knew it would get back to Nelly. In a snog, marry, avoid we played at Boxpark, I gave Julia-Ruth “avoid”, so she would have known I wasn’t interested anyway. When they fell out at the retreat, I knew she’d’ have an arse about it and Julia-Ruth would tell her. The two people Julia-Ruth had issues with, she went after their husbands, so she knew what she was doing.

What did you think when you heard she’d slept with Joe?

I found out the day after big day out, Ash told me and I was like “Shut the F up you’re joking?” My first thought was Maeve is gonna go mad. I spoke to Joe, I said whatever you’ve done, you went on holiday, chatting about certain things ended up shagging, whatever, But those tattoos? That was crossing the line even more.

How has the show changed you?

It’s opened up my eyes to the help I actually needed. I refused therapy at 19 when it happened. But I realised that everyone is trying to help you grow as a person, that includes Nelly, the rest of the cast, the experts, the crew. Take stock don’t react in the moment, look at your low points. Remember them and how far you’ve come in such a short space of time. You’ve taken the steps, you put therapy in place, you’re taking accountability in work, being a better dad than I was already. Helped me going into my mid 30s looking at life differently.

If you could go back, what would you have done differently?

I always joke and say I probably wouldn’t have answered the phone call. I don’t think I should have done the show. Looking back I wasn’t ready. But with everything that’s transpired and the growth I’ve had, learning to be more open and vulnerable. I learned  you have to give that person every form of you, commit your full self not just a part of you. I’d be more willing to be more open and vulnerable, which I hadn’t done for so many years.

You mentioned earlier that your child has disability, are you open to talking about it?

My youngest son Reggie just turned six, He has sensory disorder, he’s autistic, nonverbal. He can say certain things but can’t put a whole sentence together. He has moments of sensory overload where he has meltdowns. It’s been a challenge between me and his mum, living in different places trying to make it consistent for him. He doesn’t understand some commands. If you said, “where’s your dad?” he wouldn’t be able to point me out. Since he’s been in a proper school he’s developed so much. But I have a 6-year-old who still wears nappies because he can’t tell you he needs the toilet. It can be mentally and physically demanding, even just taking him out. It’s hard, When the kids mum is with them on her own, I know how much she gets mentally exhausted and drained. He’s so strong and when he goes deadweight and doesn’t want to move, she can just about pick him up now. When he wants care and attention, he can’t communicate that. We are very consistent, we have a very good coparenting capacity, we try and do best by the kids. Our eldest daughter Piper is nine, she’s not on the spectrum. We have to stop doing certain things because it doesn’t accommodate Reggie. So, we try and get days where we treat her to a day out. My family are in Kent, so it feels like it’s just me when it comes to it. Her family is in Scotland, so if she needs help and I’m not about, it’s only her.

What’s next for ASBO Steve?

Next for me, first and foremost – finally selling my flat. It’s been going on for over a year. I’m well and truly back into work, been with my partner a couple of months now, looking at building our own future together. I want to be spreading more awareness on Autism. I’ve set up a thing on my Insta called Wonder Kids. It’s for parents who either have additional needs themselves, or have children with additional needs. Some organisations have reached out to set up events with me for children with autism, offering support.

Looking at the next stage of my life as I turn 35 in December, I’d love to do charity football matches. To try and do better every day will always be the motto going forward,